Bad Baby Names – Just Say No…

We’ve talked hipster, we’ve talked popular, so let’s talk just plain bad.

Bad baby names that is.

I mean, to each their own, right? Your kid, your choice. I just need to know at what point it became acceptable to name a child Jathan (say it out loud…)?

Let’s be real here, I’m not your judge, jury or executioner. I’m just a passive observer with with three kids of my own, and a platform for speculation.

The Huffington Post noted:

“Unique names may have some benefits such as creating a more individual identity, but they run the risk of promoting separateness, which is linked to narcissism,” W. Keith Campbell who co-authored this study and the book The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement with Twenge.

There might be other long-lasting effects. Children with ‘misspelled’ names can have difficulties with spelling and reading David Figlio, a researcher at Northwestern University in Illinois, told Live Science.

“You have the child named Jennifer spelled with a ‘G,’ her teacher says ‘Are you sure your name is spelled that way?’ That can be incredibly hard on a person’s confidence,” Figlio said.

A unique name spelling isn’t really that unique when you say it out loud anyway so why the extra hassle? Swapping consonants and adding extra vowels seems to be more of an exercise in annoyance than a successful effort to try and stand out in a crowd. With most people I’ve talked to, attempts at unique spellings are perceived as shortsighted and can come across as ill-conceived and even uneducated.

Yikes!

Aside from cultural naming iterations (John/Jon) which are totally fine and expected, can we just agree that if it sounds like an “A” you should probably just use an “A” and definitely not multiple “A’s” because less is more, okay?

We can thank a Reddit thread for laying most of the groundwork for this list, but I combed through and found 50 of my personal favorites. Please enjoy (and abstain from using it as a resource) and feel free to add any additional gems you may have heard in the comments below.

  1. Elizabreth (good old Lizard Breath)
  2. Mhavryck (pronounced “Maverick”)
  3. Aliviyah (better known as “Olivia”)
  4. Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards)
  5. Danger
  6. North West (Saint was also given honorable mention)
  7. Harley Quinn (patron saint of romance novels)
  8. Beberly
  9. Hellzel
  10. I’munique (but really)
  11. Rage
  12. Phallen
  13. Like (or “Lyke” if you want to keep your vowel options open)
  14. Mazen (‘Mazen Grace, how sweet the sound…)
  15. Phelony (sure)
  16. Kaydenc
  17. Kollyns
  18. Ayvah
  19. Bexleigh
  20. Fayt
  21. Mayghynne (it’s still Megan out loud)
  22. Aleckxis (*head desk)
  23. Abbygail
  24. Eyzik (def. not bibilical)
  25. Lynkin
  26. Arson (insert prison joke here)
  27. Oaklyn
  28. Berklee
  29. Kynzleigh (where feminism goes to die)
  30. Arikah
  31. Xero (to hero?)
  32. Courtenay (NOT Courtney)
  33. Spurgeon (you can thank the Duggars for this one…)
  34. Saydee
  35. Brekkyn (don’t go brekkyn my heart)
  36. Bryzon
  37. Tearinyee ( with siblings Fashisym and Dyctaytor)
  38. Maysun
  39. Graysin
  40. Paizlee (a pattern gone very, very wrong)
  41. Makynlee (bff’s with Paizlee)
  42. Haizlynn (other bff with Paizlee and Makynlee)
  43. Daxton
  44. Weld
  45. Braxtin (friend of Hicks)
  46. Laekynn
  47. Felyxx (one x short of a triple)
  48. Taygen
  49. Zaiden
  50. Semaj (that’s “James” backwards, ya’ll)

Bonus Round!

Because we just can’t . . .

These are all comments on our site as well as from Facebook of ACTUAL names of human beings:

  • How about “La-Sha”, that’s pronounced LaDasha. Yes you’re suppose to pronounce the “-“
  • My favorite as a teacher is Shithead pronounced shith-aid. Poor kid.
  • Ariolla
  • Thorzander
  • Drizella
  • Years ago I did a long term sub job for kindergarten and had a student named, God. Can you imagine? “God, come sit down on the carpet.” “Make good choices, God.” His nickname was Bones??
  • Nefarious
  • Danger
  • MyAngel
  • Aaerrikae (a.k.a. Erica)
  • Chaos
  • Izraella
  • Abcde
  • Candida
  • Buckshot
  • Multiva
  • Optimus
  • III (Like the Roman Number III)
  • Alyexx
  • Ciewbaqua (like Chewbaca)
  • Lemongello
  • Orangello
  • Placenta
  • As’shole
  • Female
  • Melena
  • C’ana
  • Shawnathan (like Jonathan)
  • Clercilla
  • Chlamydia
  • Gorgeous George (female)
  • Candida
  • Mashley

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