How to Parent Teenagers
Remember you are a friend, and a parent.
Teens crave the security of knowing their parents understand them, love them, and love them no matter what--they do need the relationship to be a kind of friendship. But they should also feel as though they have some freedom, so occasionally you might feel somewhat shut out. If you can navigate your closeness in an accepting way that does not make the most of your job as parent to tell your child what to do, he is more likely to open up and discuss with you.
Does a friendship that is close erode the respect for you personally of your teen? No. Do not you respect your friends, and cherish those that are actually there for you emotionally? If you offer your adolescent regard, consideration, and credibility, that is what you will receive in return.
And as close as you need to be to your adolescent, sometimes you'll need to pull rank and state No. If you are doing it frequently, that is a red flag that something isn't right. But sometimes your teen will be looking for you to set limits they can not set for themselves. Sometimes you will want to stick with your worth and say no, if that is to an unsupervised party or a very late bedtime. And, of course, sometimes your teen will have the ability to use your advice to think of a win-win solution that answers your concerns.
Make certain to check in each and every day. Even teens who seem to have forgotten who their parents are another 23 hours a day often respond well to a goodnight hug and check chat as soon as they're lounging in bed. Sometimes having wireless security cameras can help you track the whereabouts of your teens. In addition to these brief daily check-ins, establish a regular weekly routine for doing something special with your adolescent, even if it's only going out for ice cream or a walk together.
Parent professionally and professionally.
Do not invite rebellion by refusing to admit that your son or daughter is growing up and needs more liberty. But do not be afraid to ask where your kids are going, who they'll be with and what they will do. Get to know your kids' friends and their parents so you are familiar with their activities.
Try to be there after college.
The largest danger zone for drug use and gender is not Saturday night; it is between 3 and 6 PM on weekdays. Organize flex time at work if you're able to. If your child will be with friends, make sure that there's adult supervision, not just an older sibling.
Your teenager wants to be their very best self. Our job as parents is to encourage our teenagers in doing that. But do not expect your child to reach goals you pick for her; she wants to start calculating her own goals today, with assistance from a parent who loves her as she is and thinks that she can do anything she plans to. Encourage your teen's passions and explorations as she discovers her distinctive voice.
Make it a top priority to eat meals together
. . .as often as possible. Meals are a wonderful opportunity to discuss the days' events, to unwind, reinforce and bond. They are also your best chance to stay in contact with your teenager's life and struggles, and also to spot brewing issues. Finally, an important element in kids' happiness and general success is if they believe that they get time to"just hang out and talk" with parents daily.
If you don't understand what's happening, you drop all hope of affecting the results.
Encourage Decent self-care
. . .such as the nine and half hours of sleep a teen wants, and a great diet. Coffee is a terrible idea for early teens as it interferes with normal sleep patterns. Too much screen time, particularly in the hour before bedtime, reduces melatonin production making it tougher for children to fall asleep at night.
Keep on family meetings.
Held regularly at a mutually agreed upon time, family meetings provide a forum for talking triumphs, grievances, sibling disagreements, schedules, any subject of concern to a relative. Everyone gets an opportunity to speak; one person talks at a time without interruption; everybody listens, and only positive, constructive feedback is allowed. To acquire resistant teens to join , combine the get-together with incentives like post-meeting pizza or ice cream, or assign them significant roles such as recording secretary or rule enforcer.
Keep kids safe and attached to the family by maintaining computers on your common space.
It can be difficult for parents to monitor what adolescents do on line since they generally know more about computers than we do. But research shows he'll be less tempted to spend some time doing things you would disapprove of if the pc is in a common area, where you are able to walk by and glance at what he is doing. Kids live online nowadays, but he could still stay connected to his family if online is at the center of your dwelling.
Do not push your teen into liberty until he is ready.
Every teenager has his own schedule for blossoming into an independent individual. Real independence consists of close relationships with other people, and it never needs to include rebelliousness. It's NOT healthy for your child to feel that you are pushing him into liberty -- which only leads to him becoming too determined by the peer set for validation. If he isn't prepared to go to sleep away camp for a month, then he is not ready. Sooner or later, he'll be.
Make arrangements and instruct your child to make repairs.
If you have increased your child without punishment, then he'll almost surely be near you. Because he does not want to damage the trust between you, he will not lie to you, and he will not usually infringe on your own limits. If he does, ask him how he could make repairs, such as repairing your trust.
What if you have increased your child with punishment, and today she is breaking your rules and lying ?
It is never too late to help her learn to take responsibility, but to begin, she has to appreciate her relationship with you. That means you want to stop punishing, and begin listening and connecting. In addition, you have to insist that she find ways to make repairs. That's a catchy dance, because punishment is likely to make matters worse, so she must pick the fix -- and yet you're still insisting that she do so. No, it is not a punishment -- it is a way for her to make things better when she messes up, and that's exactly what all adults will need to learn to do. But she will only understand it this way if she wants to please you, so in the event you will need to go to counseling together to make that connection, do not wait.
Stay connected even as she moves to the world.
If we have accepted our child's dependency needs AND affirmed her advancement into her own separate individual, she will remain fiercely connected to us as her attention shifts to peers, higher school and the passions which produce her soul sing.
It's suitable for teenagers to want to spend more time with their peers than their parents as they get older, but children that are well trained in their own families will react well to parents' attempts to remain connected. And parents who've bonded adequately with their kids at every earlier stage will feel encouraged enough in their teens to remain connected, even if lots of effort is necessary.
It is critical, during the adolescent years, for parents to stay with their children's psychological and moral compass. Kids will start to experiment with romantic relationships outside the family, but to do this successfully, they still rely on these intimate relationships at home staying solid. Meaning that a 14 year old who specializes mostly outwards is likely searching for something he was not getting at home.
We will need to invite our children to rely on us mentally until they're emotionally ready to rely on themselves. Too often, in our civilization, we allow teenagers transfer their dependency away from the family, with devastating results. Teens often give up a great deal of themselves in pursuit of their closeness they crave, only to crash against the hard fact that other teens are not developmentally able to provide them what they need to flourish as young adults.
You might not be on top of your adolescent's list today, but work like the dickens to remain close, and do not take it for granted that your kid will now push you apart. That's an indication of a relationship that is damaged. Don't quit. It is never too late on your relationship with your child to perform repair work and move closer.