You probably already know about the thing you shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship. But what happens when you’re married and hit a rough patch? What do you do when you said I do and now are wishing that you didn’t? Is there a way to go back to that honeymoon phase?
Compile a List of All the Issues
Make a list of all the issues that you haven't talked to your significant other about out of a fear of conflict. Your self-help treatment will be one step closer to being completed when both of you have found agreeable solutions to problems. Furthermore, take the time to learn the skills to resolve issues as they come up. If the list you two made seems endless because all you do is fight about everything, chances are the way you communicate may need to be addressed.
Focus on Yourself
Trying to get your partner to change is just asking for trouble. People change because they want to, not because they are ordered to do so. It’s better if you both use your energy to figure out what you can do differently rather than criticize each other. Here’s a question to get both of you started: What needs to be done so you can disagree without hostility? If both parties are willing to change individually, the marriage can blossom and thrive.
Cut To The Chase
Constantly complaining about your significant other does nothing but taint the relationship. In other words, refrain from making critiques, accusations, sarcastic remarks and blaming. Don’t lash out in anger either. If you feel yourself getting angry or you sense that your partner is heating up, just leave the room. Before getting back into the conversation, take the time to learn how to calm yourself and then re-engage your partner.
Express Concerns Constructively
Learning how to express any concerns you have constructively is going to help you both in the long run. A relatively simple way to do this is to start using basic conversation starters.
These conversation starters can include:
- I feel (followed by a single word feeling such as sad or anxious)
- My concern is (followed by whatever it is about your partner that concerns you)
- I would like to (Never tell your partner that they need to do something. Make requests as opposed to barking orders.
It’s important to keep the conversation simple from the beginning and see where it leads. Bringing up a sensitive problem at the beginning will only increase the tension between you and your partner.
Eliminate the Three A’s
For those who don’t know, the three “A’s” stands for affairs, addictions and anger. These three factors the primary causes of divorce. If you or your partner are having these kinds of issues, you need to decide what is best for the both you. If it's impossible to undo the damage that's been done, it's better to end the marriage with the help of a divorce attorney rather than living in misery.
If you have children, it’s crucial that both of you increase emotional IQ, not only as individuals but as a couple as well. Toxic marriages and even more toxic co-parenting can emotionally scar a child.
Hopefully following these tips have helped ease the tension that surrounds you and your spouse and you won’t have to visit a divorce attorneys salt lake city. Of course, having a positive and happy marriage takes efforts on both sides.