Going From The Girlfriend To Stepmom
It sounds like not a lot should change, but going from their dad’s girlfriend to their stepmom is a huge life changing event for the kids and you!
Coming together as a blended family is awesome. No matter if you are going to just all blend together or if you are actually going to tie the knot, you are welcoming more kids into your life and that is great!
Making that change from being their dad's girlfriend -who they have to tolerate - to being their fully fledged stepmom -who is now a part of their life forever-, can be a huge earth shattering change for a kid. On paper, it really does not sound like that big of a deal and if you are serious enough that you are getting married then most likely you are already a big part of your partner's kids lives. But getting married, well that makes things even more official, especially in the eyes of a kid.
Get Them Involved In The Wedding
Ok so if you are about to become stepmom to teenage boys this is easier said than done. But get your new daughter, daughters or even sons as involved as you can in the wedding. This sets the tone right away that you becoming their stepmom is something you want them involved in and hopefully they will get swept up in it all and really get on board. Now, of course, some kids will want nothing to do with it and this might not be anything about you becoming their stepmom, but more that they just do not care about weddings? Do not take it personally and just move on rather than trying to force it. But at the very least you need to ask them at least a couple of time to be involved and ask for their opinion.
Ease Into Changes
Most likely you and your partner are already living together so you should already have ground rules and the kids should be used to you being an authority figure. Still, when kids hear that word stepmom, things can change. Even though, really nothing major should be changing. So you do not want to just start cracking the whip, being the main disciplinarian and barking orders as soon as you officially become a stepmom. If anything, you want to have any kind of changes that are going to happen to the kid's life, happen before you are their stepmom.
You Are Not A Replacement Mom
This is one of the hardest things that many blended families have to deal with and that is for some kids it can feel like you are trying to replace their mom. Of course, this is not the case, but to a kid, the word stepmom sounds so official. You need to let them know that you are not looking to replace their mom, but you love them, are there for them, will look out for them and in general do all you can to help and protect them.
Is It Really That Big Of A Deal?
For many people going from the girlfriend to the mom is a pretty easy transition. But those who do not get super involved with their new kids until it all becomes official may struggle. The best advice that I can give you is to get as involved with the kids as much as you can. Get to know them, earn their respect, spend quality time doing fun things with them and then when you do officially become “stepmom” they will be far more on board and hopefully be excited for you to officially be part of their family.