Nesting and the Divorced Family

We explore the positive and negative effects of nesting.

Nesting is where the children stay at home while the parents alternate by moving in and out. Audrey, a parent who has done this has shared some of her thoughts and opinions of nesting. She experienced a downside to this doctrine. Neither her nor her husband partners were enthusiastic about the situation, she said. Even though the former spouses weren't sharing the home there is an intimacy. For families, compounding of getting a divorce by maintaining three 17, the cost is an unattainable fantasy. She outlines two key areas parents need to pay attention to during a separation or divorce: attachment and "the grief process". She believes the consistency that fans that are nesting are advocating is not necessarily based on the environment the child lives in but rather on. "There are problems of parents invading each other's personal space, leaving the house in a mess for another parent, failing to purchase their share of the supermarket and/or clothes for your children, and then drawing their children into the conflict by questioning them as to what occurred while they were outside of the home or pointing out the other parent's deficiencies," she said. Some of these problems can be solved if there is a shared security system. Putting in place for an example a well rated doorbell camera is a solution for knowing who on both sides of the divorce is entering the house. Even though it is quite hard for parents to see their children emotionally affected by their separation, England warns that grief is a process that is natural and children will have to work through it rather than avoid it. "Kids need both parents. Many divorcing spouses just want that other person from their lives," she said. How to encourage a 6-year-old torn between two houses "I am hesitant about the intention of nesting if it is used as a way to disguise or restrain the natural ordinary feelings of grief, such as loss, sadness and anger, that include a divorce," she said. She worries that nesting could be an excuse by some to control and micromanage children's reactions to the parents' marriage's end. "This worked really well, we were able to co-parent very civilly, even supportively, we just weren't husband and wife ," she said.

"Nesting helps children adapt to the changes in the household structure and can make this significant life transition easier for everybody, but only if the parents trust each other and can communicate amicably," she said. Is it realistic? "He'd come to D.C. (for visitations) and stay at my and the kids' home for a couple of nights," she explained. This arrangement allowed their dad and the kids to spend time together and avoided them ever having to travel to him unaccompanied. Meanwhile, Hughes found this enabled her to exercise her new freedom. "While he was there, I would stay out all night and dance, crash with a friend, and then later, with the guy I was seeing who's now my husband," she said. But parents will need to be aware of the hiccups that can occur when trying to nest during and after a divorce. There are serious emotional issues, but there are considerations that are serious. Especially when you consider the average divorce costs upward of $20,000. Can divorced parents just act like parents? Stacy, actress divorce lawyer and author, practiced nesting herself during her divorce but does not recommend it as a long-term strategy. She believes that nesting can work in the short-term as a bridge between family life pre- and post-separation. It's that interaction which can result in potential conflict in nesting structures, as far as Karina, a matrimonial attorney in Ridgewood, N.Y., is concerned. She has discovered that by sharing a space, former partners could use the family home and the kids are the victims. When the children stay in the family home and the parents alternate moving in and out, depending on the custody 24, nesting is. Rather than in a conventional arrangement, where the kids must move between two bedrooms, two houses, and two collections of toys, this practice allows everything material to remain predictable and stable for the kids. Here, it. "We are wired for struggle and in those minutes reaching out to loved ones who support us and confirm us is what generates resilience. Not the physical environment in which we are living in," she said. Founding partner of the Los Angeles-based law firm Walzer, California family-law specialist, Peter, advises parents to think carefully about all arrangements and how they can impact both sides. Without even realizing it was a concept Hughes, a communications adviser, 39, practiced a version of nesting. After a move, the couple divorced and separated. She asked her husband not to leave but to remain in the home and sleep in different bedrooms, as her marriage broke down. England is also concerned that nesting doesn't allow newly divorced people to leave their past behind. "Nesting can get in the way of the couple's ability to grieve and move on, which would also be unhealthy for a child to watch," she said. "It's important to consider the legal consequences of a nesting agreement," he said. "In some states, the parties may not be deemed to be separated if they are nesting. This could affect the property division and their service orders. Alimony might not be deductible if they're thought of as sharing a house, and there may be tax implications relating to the sale of the house." They started to practice nesting full time After her husband moved out of state. Mitchell's husband could fly in each weekend and she would move out. Mitchell believes that many parents let their negative feelings about their ex-partner to affect the decisions they make post-divorce and that nesting can be a means to prioritize the children's needs . Although parents who are divorcing can rest in knowing kids can recover from their parents' divorce, it remains an event for kids. Parents know this, and so, clearly, they will seek to minimize the breakdown of the marriage's effects. Among the most recent approaches parents are using to manage the transition during a divorce is known as nesting.

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