How to Continue Parenting Through a Divorce

Jasmine Williams

Unless your family has confronted serious problems like domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting--with both parents play an active role in their children's daily lives--is the best way to make certain that all your kids' needs are met and let them retain close relationships with both parents. Research suggests that the quality of the relationship between co-parents may also have a strong influence on the psychological and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression. Of course, putting aside relationship difficulties after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably is sometimes easier said than done. Get your feelings out someplace else. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can make good listeners when you will need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can provide a wholesome outlet for letting steam off. Do not forget it is necessary to meet with your ex in person--talking over the telephone or exchanging emails or texts is fine for the majority of conversations. The purpose is to establish communication that is conflict-free , so see which type of contact works best for you. Dedicate to meeting/talking consistently. Though it may be extremely difficult in the early stages, regular communication with your ex will communicate the message to your kids that you and your co-parent are a united front. Peaceful communication with your ex is vital to the achievement of co-parenting--even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the purpose: your kid's well-being. Make your child the focal point of every conversation you have with your ex-partner. Listen. Communicating with maturity begins with listening. You should at least be able to convey to your ex that you've understood their point of view, even if you find yourself disagreeing with another parent. And listening doesn't signify approval, so by allowing your ex to voice her or his opinions, you won't drop anything.

Benefits for your kids

Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, children adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and new living situations, and possess better self-esteem.

Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so kids know what to expect, and what's expected of them. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to efficiently and peacefully resolve problems themselves.

Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a lifetime pattern your kids can carry into the future to build and maintain stronger relationships. Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to produce issues like depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

Making co-parenting work

Do not put your children in the middle

Make requests. Rather than making statements, which may be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as a request. Requests can start with,"Would you be willing to...?" or "Can we try...?" Set a business-like tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your"business" is your kids' well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague and neutrality. Relax and talk slowly. Keep your problems to yourself. Your child has. Stay kid-focused. Looking at a photo of your child might help you calm down if your anger feels overwhelming. Co-parenting after a split is rarely easy, especially if you have a contentious relationship with your ex-partner. You might feel concerned stressed out about child support or other financial problems, feel worn down by battle, or think you'll never be able to overcome all the resentments in your connection. But co-parenting amicably with your ex can offer your kids safety, stability, and relationships with both parents that they need. For the sake of your kids' well-being, develop a cordial working relationship and it's possible for you to overcome challenges. With these tips, you stay constant, can remain calm, and solve conflicts to make joint custody work and enable your kids to thrive. Means that your own emotions--hurt, resentment, or any anger --must have a back seat. It's also possibly the most vital, although Ironically, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work with your ex. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but instead about future well-being, stability, and your children's happiness. What is co-parenting? Keep conversations kid-focused. Never let a conversation with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about your requirements or their needs; it should always be about your child's needs only. Never use kids as messengers. When you use your kids to communicate messages to your co-parent, it puts them at the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship difficulties, email or so call your ex directly. Show restraint. Bear in mind that communicating with one another will be necessary for the period of your children's full childhood--if not longer. Don’t just communicate through the doorbell camera, this won’t help. You can train yourself not to overreact to your ex, and over time you can get numb to the buttons they try to push.

Co-parenting communication methods

But you choose to have contact, these methods can help you initiate and maintain communication: Co-parenting tip 1: Establish anger aside and hurt

Separating feelings from behaviour

You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your breakup, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, nor your kid's. Resolve to keep your problems. It might appear impossible to remain calm when dealing with a tricky ex-spouse who's hurt you in the past or has a real knack for pushing your buttons. But by practicing stress relief techniques, when the pressure builds you can learn how to remain in control. Your feelings do not have to dictate your behavior, although it's okay to be angry and hurt. Instead, let what's best for your children --you working cooperatively with the other parent--inspire your actions. Tip 2: Improve communication with your co-parent The would be to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the relationship. It may be helpful to begin considering your relationship with your ex as a totally new one--one which is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; acting in your kids' best interest is the priority. To being an accountable 10, the first step is to always put your children's needs ahead of your own. Through your venture that is co-parenting, your kids understand your love for them will prevail despite circumstances -- and should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended your marriage. The divorced parents of kids whose: Joint custody arrangements can be infuriating, exhausting, and fraught with anxiety. It can be tough to get past the history you may have with your ex and conquer built-up resentments. Interacting with each another at drop-offs making decisions that are shared, or speaking to a person you forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. Despite the many challenges, though, it is possible to develop an amicable working relationship with your ex for your children's sake.